10 Pieces of Advice Before Marriage

Nikah and marriage (Marriage) is a bond and a relationship where two strangers become each other’s garment forever. Be it ease or difficulty, sorrow or happiness, they stand by each other and become each other’s support. This is a relationship that our Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) disliked for anyone to run away from. He said that there are countless virtues and blessings in nikah, and it is also a means to protect oneself from sins.

After nikah, the husband has some responsibilities to fulfill, and so does the wife. There are some rights of the husband that the wife needs to fulfill, and there are some rights of the wife that the husband must fulfill. As long as both fulfill their responsibilities, married life remains beautiful and like heaven, but if the rights of one another are not fulfilled, life becomes like hell.

Here, we will tell you about those 10 pieces of advice before marriage (Shadi Se Pahle 10 Naseehaten) that Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allah have mercy on him) gave to his son at the time of his marriage. Those who are about to get married and even those who are already married should read and act upon them in their lives.

Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “My son, you will not achieve peace in your home until you adopt these 10 habits in dealing with your wife. So, listen to them carefully and resolve to act upon them.”

Women seek your attention and want you to openly and clearly express your love for them. So, from time to time, make your wife feel your love, and openly tell her how important she is in your life and how necessary she is for you. (Don’t assume she will understand on her own; relationships always need expression.)
Remember! If you are stingy in expressing love, a bitter crack will form between you two, which will grow over time and eventually destroy love. This will not only harm your married life but also affect future generations negatively.
Women dislike harsh behavior and men who are overly cautious, but they also know how to take undue advantage of a man’s kindness. So, adopt a balanced approach between these two traits to maintain harmony in the house and achieve mental peace.
Women expect the same from their husbands that husbands expect from their wives, such as respect, loving words, physical beauty, clean attire, and a pleasant fragrance. Always keep this in mind and avoid a state that makes your spouse feel repulsed and want to stay away from you.
Remember! The four walls of the house are the kingdom of the woman. When she is there, it is as if she is sitting on the throne of her kingdom. Never interfere unnecessarily in her kingdom and do not try to take away her throne. As much as possible, entrust household matters to her and give her freedom in handling and arranging things.
Every wife wants to love her husband, but remember, she also has parents, siblings, and other family members whom she cannot cut ties with. Nor should you expect her to. So, never create a competitive situation between yourself and her family. Even if she leaves her family for your sake, she will remain restless, and this restlessness will eventually drive her away from you and incite hatred.
Indeed, women are created from a curved rib, and this is also their beauty. This is not a defect or shortcoming. They are just as appealing this way as eyebrows look beautiful when curved. So, take advantage of their curve and enjoy this beauty. If something about them displeases you, do not try to straighten it forcefully; otherwise, it will break, leading to divorce.
A wife’s lack of appreciation and ungratefulness is often a natural trait. Even if you do countless favors and kindnesses, she may still say, “What have you ever done for me?” So, don’t be overly troubled by this trait, nor let it lessen your love for her. This is a small flaw compared to her countless virtues. Focus on her good qualities, love her as Allah’s servant, and continue fulfilling all her rights.
Every woman experiences physical weakness during certain days (menstruation). During these days, Allah has even exempted her from prayers and fasting. Similarly, during these times, be kind to her, lighten her responsibilities, help her with household tasks, and create ease for her.
Finally, remember that your wife is a captive entrusted to you, about whom Allah will question you. Treat her with the utmost kindness and mercy. (Son! A lion goes to his lioness at least once a year. If not once a year, then once a month; if not once a month, then once every 15 days; if not, then once a week.)